“Type A” personality. Perfectionist.

Terms often deemed to those who willingly admit that they have an extreme personality, not satisfied with “just good enough”and constantly striving for perfection. Many “perfectionists” (here, here!) are drawn to extreme endeavors. Constantly seeking to be the fastest, smartest, most accomplished, etc. Soon endeavors that we originally had passion for can detract from our lives, especially our life outside that particular passion. We no longer find satisfaction in the process: we want to win.

When we take a step back, “everything or nothing” perspectives are ridiculous. The chances that you will be the all-time greatest at something you do are slim to none. Even if you do achieve a status of greatness, society has a short term memory. Individuals who are younger, smarter, and more talented will steal the lime light eventually.

You do NOT have the be the best to make a difference or have success. Strive to be YOUR best instead. That is all you can do. You do not have to be the best by society’s definition in order to be great. Do not let the pursuit of perfection get in the way of progress.

Those who have success or simply those who do not give up. When does it become easier to avoid throwing in the towel and giving up? Forget talent, advantages, and perfection. Think consistency. When you strive to hit perfection and miss, you will feel a sense of loss or failure. If you strive to be the best you can and find a way to take more steps forward than back consistently, you automatically win.

We should start thinking of our lives as wins after wins as opposed to missing the mark of perfection. Perspective is everything and black and white mentalities will lead to ups and downs and extremes. Hence, missed “wins” and more “failures”. Any endeavor that is worth it will come with challenges. Finding your passion should be less about seeking perfection and more about winning at the little things each day that add up to the big picture.

Set yourself up to have more wins each day. Accomplish small tasks. Win at starting the day positively. Win at being there for your spouse, children, friends. Win at finally accepting your body for what it is. Win at enjoying a night out with friends without worrying about tomorrow. Win at hitting one more rep in a workout. Win at getting your cardio in.

Change your perspective of yourself. Perfection hinders progress. See yourself as a winner and learn to allow yourself to do so.

“Promoting what you love instead of bashing what you hate”

I am sure that is a quote that many of you have heard before. It seems pretty cliché, but it has been on my mind as of late.

Social media can be an amazing thing. I have met some of my best friends, connected with incredible individuals, been inspired, reached out to people I never thought possible, and have been able to share my story with thousands.

There seems to be an emphasis by many to look to those they do not “approve of”, understand, or see eye to eye with – and criticize. To me, social media is an incredible platform. There is unlimited positivity that can be spread, people that can be reached, and lives that can be improved by using our gifts for the greater good. Share who YOU are. Do what you LOVE. Show others the obstacles you have overcome to get to where you are today. Are you corny, weird, and quirky? GOOD. We need more individuals who are not afraid to be the people they were made to be. Someone will be able to relate to youOnce I was not afraid to show the world who I was, the more people I connected with!

Who does it benefit when someone attacks another person’s quirks, characteristics, looks, or personality? I am still curious as to finding that answer. Who knows what demon someone may be fighting during a particular day. Words do sting – and I would never want my words to be the ones that cause an individual to harm themselves – either through self-hate, depression, or worse yet, self-harm. Life is so short. The person we chastised, criticized, or mocked might be living their last day on this earth. I want the final interaction I have with someone is one of positivity. Sure, there is some validity to calling out scams or phony sales tactics that may be circling. However, it disappoints me when I see others devoting so much time to negativity. There is so much I LOVE – so I want to focus on that.

A few things I love and appreciate (and I would encourage others to think of this today as well): My family and their support, De Novo Nutrition white cake whey, heavy squats, lifting with my dad, my clients and their badass-ness, seeing other females kicking butt in the gym, watching powerlifting empower so many women, travelling to see friends, the fact I get to travel to Utah AND Texas next month!!, playing with my dog Stanley, baking macro-friendly desserts, talking to my brothers and sisters in Christ and seeing the bigger picture in life – those are all things I LOVE plus many more. What do you love? What is positive about today? Who can you uplift today instead of bringing down?

Some of the most un-fit people I have ever met in my life are figure, bikini, bodybuilding, and physique athletes. Some of the most miserable people you will ever meet have the best six packs you have ever seen. One thing I have come to discover in my short time in the fitness industry is that the outside appearance of an individual sure as hell does not equate to happiness – or even fitness. What defines “fitness” anyways?

Before I ever did a competition, stepped on stage, or was stage lean, I looked at figure athletes as the epitome of “fitness”. Shredded abs, lean legs, lean faces (yes, lean facial features is something I used to envy strangely) – it all looked like the perfect fitness package from the outside. Once I entered the realm of competing, I realized that I had it all wrong.

Fitness is what YOU make it. It is more than just your physical appearance and leanness. A stage look should be a short term state. In previous years, I thought that I would finally be thought of as “fit” by others once I looked like the girls in the magazines or the women shredded on stage. However, fitness is not just how you transform your outside appearance. Fitness goes beyond the surface.

Fit·ness : “the condition of being physically fit and healthy”. According to my google search…

Synonyms: good health, strength, robustness, vigor, athleticism, toughness, physical fitness, muscularity.

If you have never been on stage or been to a level of stage leanness, then you may still have the perspective that individuals on stage in bikinis with tan physiques are the epitome of health. I can tell you from experience that single digit levels of body fat are by no means the healthiest state, especially for a woman, for an extended period of time.

“Good health”, “vigor”, “strength” – all synonyms associated with the word “fitness”. At my lowest body fat and leanest physique, all three of these were at pretty low levels. I think that one’s fitness should be evaluated at a level deeper than the surface.

Life can easily start to revolve around macros, dieting, cardio, and weights. Family and friends come as an after-thought. Following my show last year, I wanted more. I wanted my fitness to be something more than just how I looked and how well I did on stage. I knew that my “fitness” had to detach from my goal of being shredded all year round. I knew that being fit could be something other than just being lean. It is vitality, living your life – not letting a disordered way of looking at yourself take over.

Weight lifting and nutrition are still a significant part of my life and how I make my living. However, the first conversation I have with someone should not be “what are your macros?” haha – silly to some, but a significant indicator of where my mind was at.

Fitness should be the fitness of your life. Fitness should be feeling good in your skin, achieving your athletic goals, being healthy enough to be there for your family, participate in a local 5k… Maybe finally having glowing skin after years of severe dieting. Athleticism can be cardiovascular fitness, strength, or whatever you desire to achieve. Fitness should also be the fitness of your MIND. The mind is the most powerful weapon we have. If your mind is at a compromised state for an extended period of time, then it is time to reevaluate and look at the bigger picture. Chasing meet after meet or show after show only brings short term satisfaction. I want my “fitness” to last longer than that. What does being fit mean to you?

(For the females) — The fitness industry and our society in general are both filled with extremes. Everywhere you look, there is an advertisement for the latest diet, weight loss pill, “skinny wrap”, “skinny tea” (lol)… Pictures of stage lean physiques are thrown at us in each fitness magazine. Scrolling through instagram or Facebook, every single person you notice (remember… We have selective views of what we see) seems to be in prep, stepping on stage, on a diet.

Losing weight is celebrated. The majority of our society is overweight. So, weight loss and leanness can indicate health, vitality. Unless it goes too far.

For almost of all 2014 and 2015, I fell into this category. As balanced as my prep may have been by following flexible dieting the whole time, doing hardly any cardio, and trying to keep my health as a primary focus — there was still a huge part of the whole process that was messed up. What was it? The celebration of a lost period (sorry men if you are still reading)… The satisfaction I felt when I did not have a normal female cycle for over a year. HOW MESSED UP in hindsight.

Female health is so delicate. When I ran cross country and track in middle school, I was extremely dedicated to my endeavors. Less than a year after starting my serious track focus (I was 13 years old), I lost my period. I struggled with anorexia and binge eating for three years after that. For all of those three years, I did not have a cycle at all. I thought it was cool. — I thought: No need to worry about any of this. Losing my period meant that I as lean. And that was awesome. — Not really.

This is a subject that is not talked about much and it needs to be. If you are losing your period, having hormonal swings, night sweats (mmmm yes, have been there) – this is not good and should not be the goal. The absence of a normal cycle is called amenorrhoea and is often a result of disordered eating, high levels of activity, and low levels of body fat.

When I got my period back in high school, there were some interesting results. I actually grew an inch at 17 years old, finally had some curves, and felt a lot happier with more energy. Your body is not meant to be in starvation mode for long periods of time. Getting your period back and FEELING good should be the goal after a prep if it becomes irregular for some time. I would encourage all women to have a hormonal panel done and see a doctor at various increments throughout your prep and after. Do not become so obsessed with being lean that you forget to put your health first.

I am not an expert or a doctor – however, I can say that I do not want to sacrifice my reproductive health, hormones, and long term health for being in a state of leanness. If you work with a coach, this is something that should be discussed. Are your methods causing you severe hormonal fluctuations? Are you having a warped sense of what is “healthy”? I did at one point too. Health, longevity, LIFE. Do not focus on one moment on stage so much that you forget the rest.

What do you see yourself doing in 5 years?

This is a question I have received several times recently. And frankly, I was not sure how to respond. I have been reflecting on this very question. 

First, I want to ask you my preferred version of that question – who do you want to be in 5 years?

One year ago, I left my corporate job in finance to start coaching and personal training. Hence, focusing even more on my athletic pursuits and starting on a new journey that has been the most fulfilling and rewarding year of my life. If you would have asked my 2 years ago what I saw myself doing in 5 years, I most likely would have said that it was advancing my finance career, getting a promotion, a raise, a new cubicle. Funny how times change.

It is impossible to foresee the future and exactly what we will be doing. My life took a dramatic turn as I pursued my bodybuilding and powerlifting passions. This lead me down the path I am on today. I never could have anticipated the opportunities and blessings that were to come my way.

I prefer to think of life in this way – WHO do you want to be in 5 years? Every single day we have the opportunity to be one step closer to that individual. I want to be a better friend, daughter, competitor, coach, and more confident in the woman I am.

For me, I cannot exactly say where I see myself in 5 years. The person I want to be in 5 years is the person I am trying (and many times failing) to be more like each day. In the future, I want to be able to have a bigger impact on others. I want to make a difference in the world and use my gifts and talents to reach others.

For me, becoming the person I want to be in 5 years takes steps each day. These include short term goals. The future is never guaranteed. There is no end point in life – if we are constantly striving for monetary possessions that will fade away, fame that will come and go, or a job title that will sink into the past eventually – we will always be left unfulfilled.

I want to live a life I love NOW. I want to make the biggest impact I can this very day.

I have goals. I hope you do too. However, I do not want to focus so much on the future that I forget to live in the present.

I have some random and odd goals. These may not have direct carry over to the individual I will be in 5 years – but they will make me a happier individual today. This DOES have carry over into the impact I can have on others. You cannot be the best YOU for others until you find what brings you joy and meaning to your life. Loving yourself is the first step in being able to love and help others.

What do you want to do? What do you enjoy that you have been neglecting because you are too focused on the future? Have you been neglecting the present and failing to enjoy the gift that is life?

Some of my goals:

Take more walks outside each week.
Learn to hip hop dance.
Create more recipes and post them for others to enjoy.
Find a church and feed my spiritual life more abundantly.
Travel as much as possible.
Meet as many new people as I can.
Ask people more about themselves and focus less on me.
Take coffee adventures… Or adventures that involve caffeine.

And most importantly, focusing on the blessings of today… And not getting lost in the future.

Who do you want to be in 5 years?